Children bring humility

My darling oldest daughter has started blogging. I'm learning her perspective on a number of things that until I read the blogs, I viewed differently. Being a parent is humbling. My desire for my children was that they be competent, caring contributing people, and so they are. I weep when I read that my wounds were truly stumbling blocks for them.

I know that my parents loved me, but they like me weren't very good at loving. In their own stumbling way they tried to help me avoid the errors of their lives. Like me they over-corrected and caused me to have a false view of my self.

I don't think my father ever had an honest discussion with my granddad. As a result his way to deal with me was the way of command. I don't think he ever realized what a lifelong curse that was. I have not felt comfortable confronting my management in an appropriately humble and sincere way. In order to confront, I have had to stir myself to anger, which has ended up with no-one listening, no-one hearing. As Paul said in Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged". Discouraged I was for most of my life, never expecting to actually be heard.

This the Father of Lies has used to keep me discouraged. I have bosses tell me all kinds of discouraging things, many of which told me how I felt or how my method of approaching a problem wasted a lot of time. This was pretty painful, as I was solving problems that had escaped solutions by others with more education and experience.

If my children should ever have children, I hope their lives will learn from my experience, and know that they are loved not only by their Mom and I, but by a truly Awesome God who doesn't have to stumble over the wounds that have kept me from being the father I truly wished to be.

Resting as the Beloved

I went with Alicia, Buddy and Evan (Daughter, son-in-law, & grandson) to New Hope this morning. The pastor spoke on the importance of resting in God. He pointed out that man's first day (the seventh day of creation) was a day of rest, and that chapter three and four of Hebrews has an emphasis on rest. I am finishing Henri Nouwen's "Here and Now". It talks about believer's being beloved of God, and how that is important to meditate on in the ebb and flow of life. It is hard accepting life's challenges and staying in faith. Although God had promised the Israelites a land of milk and honey, when the sent in spies only Joshua and Caleb came back with a positive report. If I understand the power of word correctly, by their speaking, the 10 cowardly spies and those who belived them created their 40 year fruitless hejira in the desert. As for Caleb in Joshua as they say in Numbers 14:8 "... do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them."

Living in the beloved, as a child of God doesn't mean no storms. I just means that walking through the dark places we don't walk alone.