Looking Back From Retirement

Life is always interesting.  On the first of February 2016 I retired.  Since then I have read a lot, relaxed and did a little adjunct teaching.  I have been teaching for over 20 years, and it is always a challenge!  Each time I have to figure out what my students bring to my class and try to provide some of the wisdom I've gained earning a BSc, MSc, M.E.Ch.E. and Ph.D. , not to mention a number of additional miscellaneous courses.  Most of the time I teach at the very bottom entry level, so motivation is mixed. 

Even high motivation isn't enough if it is not coupled with discipline.  I was fortunate to go to a school where I had to figure out how to be efficient and effective early on. I took 22.5 hours the first semester, and 26 the second.  I needed to overload to complete my major, and to have a chance to have some choice in a couple of extra courses.  Nowadays students take a maximum of 15 hours, so I have a little trouble understanding why they can't keep up with the class.

I was also reflecting on my last year at work.  I realize that circumstances made me less than useful to the organization, even with my knowledge, skills, and network.  When people know you are leaving, you become a non-person.  I had that happen a couple of times in my career, and it was very painful.  I also realized that I felt significant anomie as I was ungraciously swept out of the organization.  The upshot was that it really was time for me to move on and retire.  So -- no regrets!

Life's Turnings

On Monday I am facing a layoff at work. I may find myself moving into retirement a little earlier than I expected. I have realized I am probably not cut out to be a consultant. I don't have the energy I had earlier in my life. My stroke in 2004 has taken some of the wind out of my sails.

If I am not chosen for the layoff, some of my friends will be leaving me. In any case my work environment is truely changing. I have been asking the Lord to guide me, and He has given me great peace about this. Whatever happens, I will not be begging bread.

I do wish I had some of this wisdom earlier in my life when I faced some very difficult times. I did put my trust in the Lord, but before the stroke I didn't really understand how faithful He was, or how He would put people in my life to truely bless me.

Thank you Lord for your steadfastness!

Children bring humility

My darling oldest daughter has started blogging. I'm learning her perspective on a number of things that until I read the blogs, I viewed differently. Being a parent is humbling. My desire for my children was that they be competent, caring contributing people, and so they are. I weep when I read that my wounds were truly stumbling blocks for them.

I know that my parents loved me, but they like me weren't very good at loving. In their own stumbling way they tried to help me avoid the errors of their lives. Like me they over-corrected and caused me to have a false view of my self.

I don't think my father ever had an honest discussion with my granddad. As a result his way to deal with me was the way of command. I don't think he ever realized what a lifelong curse that was. I have not felt comfortable confronting my management in an appropriately humble and sincere way. In order to confront, I have had to stir myself to anger, which has ended up with no-one listening, no-one hearing. As Paul said in Colossians 3:21 "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged". Discouraged I was for most of my life, never expecting to actually be heard.

This the Father of Lies has used to keep me discouraged. I have bosses tell me all kinds of discouraging things, many of which told me how I felt or how my method of approaching a problem wasted a lot of time. This was pretty painful, as I was solving problems that had escaped solutions by others with more education and experience.

If my children should ever have children, I hope their lives will learn from my experience, and know that they are loved not only by their Mom and I, but by a truly Awesome God who doesn't have to stumble over the wounds that have kept me from being the father I truly wished to be.

A white Christmas in 2010

It has been a while, but after returning from a beautiful white Christmas in New England, I felt compelled to reflect on the first reading for Sunday, December 26th.

Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14

God sets a father in honor over his children;
a mother's authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
and preserves himself from them.
When he prays, he is heard;
he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
Whoever honors his father is gladdened by children,
and, when he prays he is heard.
Whoever reveres his father will live a long life;
he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother.

My son, take care of your father when he is old;
grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him;
revile him not all the days of his life;
kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
firmly planted against the debt of your sins
-- a house raised in justice to you.

This seems to be also connected to what the Lord spoke when speaking about marriage as recorded in Mark 10:708

This is why a man leaves his father and mother,
and the two become one flesh. They are no longer two, therefore, but one flesh.

In this respect, blessings come from honoring your father and mother. You cannot honor one and dishonor the either. Dishonor to either is dishonor to both. Being unloving of either is being unloving of both. Being unforgiving of either is being unforgiving to both. Note that the blessings in Sirach do not ask the father or mother to be worthy of honor and respect, even when the mind fails, the duty to respect and honor does not.

It was very proper that the homily that followed this talked about loving and forgiving in families. While families can be the place for greatest support, they may be the place of greatest hurt. That is why Gods Loveletter to us, His Word, talks about honor and respect. When we deal with our parents with love and respect, His Love flows through us, even though we may not at the time be aware of it.

Merry and Blessed Christmas!

Defined by Story

I find it amazing that the Lord used story to put forward his most important messages. Who can ever forget the Prodigal son story, or the story of the lost sheep. I then began reflecting on how important the stories that are our own lives are to us. We are in many ways the stories of our lives, shaped by our defeats and triumphs, colored by the richness of our relationships and the connections in our conversations.

It is no wonder that we have been given the Word, that story of stories, to help us glimpse, even if darkly the wonder of what the Lord God has created for us. The words we speak are so important. Are they not indeed bread for the hungry, drink for the thirsty? Do they not bring comfort to those in sorrow, and celebrate with those who are joyful? In turning to God, and seeking Him, should we not reflect on the Story he has given us, to see if our story resonates with it? No imperfection is not revealed in the Story so we can be comforted.

Resting as the Beloved

I went with Alicia, Buddy and Evan (Daughter, son-in-law, & grandson) to New Hope this morning. The pastor spoke on the importance of resting in God. He pointed out that man's first day (the seventh day of creation) was a day of rest, and that chapter three and four of Hebrews has an emphasis on rest. I am finishing Henri Nouwen's "Here and Now". It talks about believer's being beloved of God, and how that is important to meditate on in the ebb and flow of life. It is hard accepting life's challenges and staying in faith. Although God had promised the Israelites a land of milk and honey, when the sent in spies only Joshua and Caleb came back with a positive report. If I understand the power of word correctly, by their speaking, the 10 cowardly spies and those who belived them created their 40 year fruitless hejira in the desert. As for Caleb in Joshua as they say in Numbers 14:8 "... do not be afraid of the people of the land, because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone, but the LORD is with us. Do not be afraid of them."

Living in the beloved, as a child of God doesn't mean no storms. I just means that walking through the dark places we don't walk alone.

Spring is nigh! Praise the Lord

I didn't realize how long it had been since I set down my thoughts. January! Lots has happened since Christmas. Christmas in New England had some fabulous moments. We had two tinkertoy sets sent to Chris, and Zeke, Caleb and Michayle had a great time. John made a bug wapper! Chris served us high tea which was very special. Michayle who is five had made fruit kabobs with strawberries, and kiwis on toothpicks -- her own invention. We also had a great dinner at Hank's and a wonderful Mass at St. Pauls. They have Franciscans there now, what a change!

Now we're getting ready for spring. I bought a native hybrid azalea last Fall and I wasn't sure it would make it, but little green leaves are peeking out. The turtles have returned from whereever turtles go in winter.

I went to the INCOSE IW in February in Mesa AZ, outside Phoenix. I had a great time, but picked up a number of assignments that I am still working on. I volunteered to write a lesson plan template, for SE in classroom, but I didn't realize how much was involved. I have been gathering input, but putting myself in the mind of a Middle Schooler is a little tough. Hopefully I can get some words down this week.

Sue and I are thinking about planting a few things this year which was really exciting. We have some azaleas in front that are ready to bust out into bloom. My roses in back survived the winter, deer and squirrels. I'm hoping they can make a comeback. We're also going to try to put in a raised bed. I have been very frustrated at not being able to grow things in the South. Perhaps here I will make a difference!

Life is a little different than expected!

Here we are in the New Year and I have just finished two great books: "Switch: How to Make Changes When Change is Hard" by Chip and Dan Heath and "The Back of the Napkin" by Dan Roam. The first gives new perspective on resistance to change based on the intellect, emotions and the environment. Knowing the basis for resistance gives a path for making change. The second is for the "drawing impaired". It gives some interesting perspectives on how to sell ideas based on the way the brain works. "Switch" comes out February 15th, and " The Back of the Napkin" is available now. Both are must reads.

Maybe there is a Merry Christmas somewhere

I was worried about how Christmas would go with my youngest daughter, Alicia, her new husband Buddy, and son Evan. We joined them for dinner on the 20th as we were headed out to New England. We bought Evan a Tinkertoy set which he opened after a wonderful dinner of stuffed shells Alicia had prepared (one of my all time favorites). The tinkertoys were a little different than I remembered, and had a few additional parts. The good part though, was that Evan (who is seven) dove right in and started making cars.

I guess part of Christmas is reliving Christmas as a child sees it. It is bright shiny and beautiful filled with beautiful sounds and smells. Best of all it has wrapping paper and surprises! I wonder if we looked at all of life that way it wouldn't bless us all and take some of the "bah humbug" out of life in general.

Holidays??

Well I am beginning to understand why people get depressed on holidays. We barely survived Thanksgiving by joining my son, Nate at a restaurant, now we get to figure out how to do Christmas! My youngest daughter Alicia has a step-son, Evan who is seven. They get to split him half-days with his Mom. I certainly haven't figured out my role in this. We have decided to get him a Tinker-toy set for Christmas, but honestly I still feel a little uncomfortable about it. I can see this has always been a tough time for Sue and I, coming from enormously different expectations.

She just mentioned the thought of going upt to New England for Christmas, and frankly the thought terrifies me. I guess I feel like a third wheel when Sue is with her family. Oh, well. With Nate moving out just before Sue's Dad passed away, we really haven't been able to have the time to figure out where we go from here. I guess I'm afraid if we went North that would never, ever get resolved.

Looking for grateful children!

I guess we live in an odd age, where our children view their accomplishments as their own, and their failings as someone elses fault. I have been reading "How People Grow" by Cloud and Townsend. One of the very freeing things it covered in the book was that living in a sinful world, we would end up being sinners. We are responsible for our sin, but we have a God who is ready to forgive us.

When I was a young man, my parents bought me my first bike for my birthday. It was a heavy 26" Columbia with no extra gears -- that was uncommon in those days. I had many skinned knees and many good times on that bike. In fact it may have saved my life. One Saturday morning my Dad sent me off to a local market for a pack of cigarettes. I had to cross US 5, a four lane highway. As I started across a car jumped the light -- the next thing I remembered was laying on the roadbank stunned. My bike was junk, but other than a mild concussion I was uninjured.

Somehow I think all of lif is like learning to ride that bike. We are bound to make mistakes. Only we can decide if we will learn from them. The journey to holiness definitely has some bumps and scrapes. If we are defined by our jobs, our education, our children's success, and not by the fact that we are Children of the Most High God, we are always bound to be dissapointed. We won't always get the recognition we deserve; our education may bind us up rather than opening us up to the wonder around us; and the sacrifices we make for our children may not lead them to treat us with any respect.

Perhaps its a graduate school in humility. Perhaps no one would enter the school intentionally, but the benefits are great.

Where have all the heroes gone?

This weekend I went to the funeral of my father-in-law, Ray Petrofsky. Ray was 87. During WWII he was a navigator on B-24s. His brother Al reminded us that he had made forty missions! In addition to his military honors, he truly was a hero. He said that the only blood he shed was to give a transfusion to his gunner who was badly wounded. The pilot set up the shunt. It is hard to believe the courage and self sacrifice of the greatest generation.

I'm on the leading edge of the boomers, looking for the sky to fall. I hope we can all learn about individual caring and self sacrifice. When courage is mandated, it is only fear of man. When we run forward for the love of our comrades, not thinking of the price we may pay, that is truly courage.

The wake and funeral service also showed me how important and fragile relationship is. When as family and friends we can grieve the loss of loved ones, and celebrate their entry into eternal life, we are stronger and more resilient.

Blessed be the Lord who gives us strength in troubled times

Life's little challenges

My cousin Jim lost his only son (and child) to an accident at sea a couple of weeks ago. Michael was 22 and had graduated from college a year ago. He was never found. The memorial service was last Saturday. My brother Tom became a grandpa this week, as Tom II and Beth Anne gave him Aiden. He sounds pretty happy -- almost incoherently so. Lots of talk about running up to help and how he got to hold the baby.

It is such a poignant time of beginnings and endings. I have been so blessed with my children. I don't know if we understand each other, but we do try to communicate. Their lives seem to be so much more complicated.

Cassie is in Los Angeles with Travis and two Vietnamese pot bellied pigs. Their life is driven by an ever changing entertainment environment. Alicia just got married to Buddy this summer, and also has a seven year-old step son in her life. Nate is just about to move to Alleluia Community, an interdenominational covenanted community.

Where does that leave Sue and I. I guess spending a lot of time in prayer. I am so grateful that I have been able to see my children grow up and start their lives. There were bumps and fits and starts, but all and all it was a growing experience for all of us. We are incredibly blessed. I hope to slowly understand what this living thing is all about.

I have been chasing my whole life for meaning, when meaning was sitting quietly waiting for me to slow down. Praise the Lord!

A day in the cave

As David learned compassion in his time in the cave at Adullam, our little tragedies and inconveniences teach us about our ability to forgive and move on in our lives. Life is bigger than our hurts, but sometimes it takes a while to figure that out.

Nearly five years ago when I had a brain stem stroke, I gained some things and lost some things. I am not as agile as I was. My balance is not as I would like. Through rehab and the wonderful folks there I slowly learned how to get around and became stronger. My (primary) right hand grip strength was 35 psi (75-80 is normal) after my stroke, and 120 psi after rehab--took some work though.

It took a while for me to get my head on straight. From June of 2005 to December of 2007 I drafted and completed my doctoral dissertation. That helped on my future mental tasks.

What I gained was a true appreciation for the blessing each day was to me. My emotions were also much more available to me which was a blessing to both me and my wife, although I still have some trouble trying to figure out what to do with them.

Yes Toto there is life after OZ

I'm beginning to think that what is important is not spoken of or understood, and what is not important is bandied about wildly, with even less understanding. Without relationships, life becomes meaningless. We all desire to be connected. We only have only one little problem -- we are not connected to ourselves. Nothing in our well structured educational path (I should know as I have 23 years of post-secondary education!) teaches to understand who we are or what we are about.

There is only one place that gives us a clue, Holy Scripture. It is an ongoing transformational conversation if you give it a chance and listen to it ".. Be still and know that I am God".